I went to school to collect an event T-shirt. If you really asked me why I joined the event, seriously, it is not for the fun and enjoyment. It is because this is the event with triple XL T-shirts on their registration form. No one can ever understand the embarrassment that you collect an event T-shirt on that event itself and went to change to discover that it doesn’t fit you at all.
In my P5’s camp, we were only given the shirts just before the camp fire. We were only 11 then, the largest available size for us is a L. Naturally, I was issued the size L shirt. I went into the toilet in fear to change, yes, it doesn’t fit at all. I wish I can force myself into the shirt, but I can’t. I stay in that toilet for a couple more minutes, not wanting to walk out without a camp T-shirt. Then, I heard knocks on the door, people are lining up outside waiting to change. Without any choice, I walked out. “Why haven’t you change?”, “We can wait, take your time.”, “Is there a problem?” Questions were thrown at me, making me totally speechless. I walked out of the place and went to a teacher to return him the shirt. The teacher looked at me blankly. Suddenly, he passed me another shirt (also a L). I muttered, “I can’t fit in this.” He squatted down, at the same level as me, and said, “This is the adult size.”
Anyway, I signed my name on the paper and the in-charge took 2 double XL shirts and passed them to me. “Sorry, the largest size we have is double XL.” My friends beside me were telling me, “so do you need us to wait for you to try on and see?” My immediate response is, “What’s the point of trying? I have to be in the event T-shirt no matter what.” The in-charge laughed, but I know, she understands for I believe she has been in the same situation.
I was taking my usual bus route home, feeling utmost embarrassed for more than 20 minutes in that very bus. I boarded the bus and took a seat. People are boarding the bus one by one, taking up the seat. The door closed and the bus began to move. Then, I realized all the seats are taken except for the one beside me. People are standing near me, around the exit, near the entrance and anywhere but taking the seat beside me. I am not so optimistic to think that these people do not want a seat at all. I know it, since very young. The reality has shown me again and again, how I seem to obstruct the lives of others.
Moments later, a lady boarded the bus and immediately took the seat beside me. I would rather not think that she desperately needed a seat and that’s the only left, so she just took it.
Soon, it is my turn to get down, before doing so, I turned to her and whispered, “Thank you”. I thanked her, for letting me feel like a normal human. I am grateful that she is willing to sit beside me.
She looked at me, with a puzzled look.
On my usual route, I would pack dinner from the nearby food outlets. Today, I went to a newly opened outlet. I ordered what I want and the first thing she said was…
Her: Do you want extra noodles? I meant like a bigger portion for you.
Me: No thanks.
Her: Are you sure? I am afraid that the food portion may be too little for you.
Me: It’s alright. Just give me the regular ones.
What else can I say? I promised myself that I will be less judgmental after today.