Did I pity him with a genuine heart? Or was it because he was in the situation I was in, and I pity myself?
He seems to be a loner. Or perhaps he was made a loner, the better word to describe: outcast. He is quiet in class and always seems to be in thoughts. There is zero enthusiasm in him. His eyes are dull and dead. Even though youthful, he seems to have gone through so much go life that his self is so pitiful. His esteem is dropping by day to the extent that there is no confidence and participation in class. People ignore him, avoid him. He lunched alone, go the school canteen, when his classmates were in the same place having lunch. He came for lessons reaching early, doesn’t mingle around. Instead he sat somewhere else far away from them alone. They laugh at him, at people who is deemed as ‘misfortune’ to be group with him. They humiliate him, mentally torture him. They talk behind his back, spreading words about him.
He takes all in. Everything from everyone.. in silence. He doesn’t seem to have any emotions towards that and then. Perhaps he is immune to all of that.. He is getting so used to all that, he could be emotionally drained. One thing for sure, he hate his life now. Words are spreading around that sounded so true. Was it because he was targeted, like how I was? Or was it something he did or say? Was it his personality?
Who would have believe a quiet person at the corner of the class is like that? Maybe it is not all bad.. Like me, he found a friend to shield and hide.. from the reality.
I didn’t see all of that of him before this.
Months ago.. he was different. A totally different person, in my view. He was active, acting like how his age should be. There was a burning flame in his heart, it was the passion for life. He was full of words, there was never one silent moment. His sense of humor would amaze you, as well as his blurt mouth. He didn’t mind what other say, he laughed when others laughed at him. He joked around with others. He was accepted totally as an individual. Even though there were people who felt that he was pretentious, he gained many friends. He was truly happy. His eyes were bright with life. His face was with radiant, like a cheerful baby.
What has happened? I have the urge to ask him. But I will never have the courage to, for I remember everything that has happened to me, that was similar to his. I broke down just telling my mentor a small part of it. What could his reaction be?
I tend not to believe hearsay, but when it gets overwhelming, I doubt. I believe he is trying to change, but he could not. Those people are not accept the change, they refuse it totally.
I do not see myself as a heroine. I volunteered to change team merely because I feel for him, in that situation. It was the feeling that you hate life so much that you crave for someone, anyone to show you some light. I may not be showing the light but I hope I am giving him more chance to find that light, without pressure and discrimination, with pride and dignity.
I am still finding that light,
but I have seen the ray of hope.
Damages done can never be healed,
words said can never be retracted.
Patched up the heart and soul,
complete yourself. Only you can do it.