Random words that make little sense

I am a very private person, who lives in my own world.
In my world, there is always light and never darkness,
there is always cool breeze yet never chilling wind.
There will always be peace and serene, yet it will not be isolation.
In my eyes, there will be the usual people, leading their own lives.
Kindness will rule the world and people are all angels.
To my ears, the sounds of surrounding can be loud yet pleasant.
People are praising others and spreading love.
Everyone understands everyone, no words need to be said.

My world, a wonderful world that will always exist in my heart.

I was not always an introvert, neither was I an extremely outgoing child. I still remember when I was small, I was overly friendly to every single human being, or simply anything that moves. I will always greet the fresh morning with a big grin and the world was wonderful. I waved hello and goodbye to everyone. I talked to anyone that provided me with some attention. I would get angry if someone steals my limelight, for I was the star.. then. Something might has happened that changed me totally, as I suspected, socialisation with ‘real’ people. It was fun talking to strangers at a really young age.

This big nasty things called pre-schools and kindergartens, could be the culprit. Talking was no longer fun, because I was punished for being talkative. I was punished for speaking my words during a spelling. Yet the little me was confused because I still get punished for keeping quiet. I thought, the world was going insane that everything I did was wrong.

Worst, another monster emerged in my life that overwhelmed me. People called it, primary schools. I was there, a timid rat. Names calling, tensing, practical jokes, you named it, I endured. It showed me a new world, a crude world. But I have a shelter from all that. A shelter that would protect me when I was harmed. A shelter that would chase all the other kids away from doing nasty things to the timid me. Over the years, this shelter lets me go.

There was a whole new creature for me to face – Independence. I could never understand why and how as a young one. As much as I wish to, I could not. A sensible kid, I was. I wish I wasn’t. The environment around me changed so rapidly that I could not cope. I grew and was molded by the environment. I learnt a lot from this environment that I knew, was different from many of my peers. While others were in the midst of rushing home for the scrumptious meal, I was taking my time to get to somewhere to have my meal alone. Perhaps I got to used to what the environment was teaching me, that I have failed to realised, I lack of social skills. Till date, social interaction is tougher than any other things for me, the one that has withdrawn totally in my own fanciful world. I cling onto that comfort zone, not wanting to leave the place that I have hidden for more than ten years.

Then again, I know that I will soon face the biggest giant – the Society.


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