I was trying to identify this feeling when fear struck me. It was rather familiar yet frightening. I remembered this awful feeling. Left behind in a race, struggling to move forward and as time passes, I no longer see anyone ahead – I am being left alone to struggle or to die.

Readings are piling mountain high, with my energy level falling to record low. I do not feel as motivated as I was. This is just the beginning, and I felt drained every day. I feel my heart sinking deeper and deeper each day.

Years back, this is the exact same feeling..

I know that I didn’t want history to repeat itself. I know that I wanted changes yet.. I felt powerless. Perhaps I was only overwhelmed for a little while and everything will be better as the time passes. But I fear..

Could it be my self-esteem and my confidence that is shaking?
Or have I stopped believing in myself?
Or could I be always thinking that I was merely lucky to gain the admission into here?
Am I really more inferior?

My mind is in a blender, filled with emotions and thoughts. My head feels heavy but my will is gone.

I guess.. There is nothing I can do much, except to endure..


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