It has always been raining day and night,
with the rain droplets mercilessly hitting my face,
with the chilling, howling wind biting my flesh.
Feeling cold and empty, a sense of loneliness,
filling up my heart and soul, leaving me confused,
doubting and questioning.
Screaming into the darkness, ‘Why me?”,
nothing audible came from my throat, yet I choked,
grasping for some air for relief.
I did not resign to fate, nor did I not want to change
my life, my destiny, I just feel empty,
I want to run.. run away from all these.
Taking my first step, I was crashed by a boulder,
a boulder of responsibilities and obligations, a huge one,
one that I cannot walk away without.
No movement, no words, no actions from the boulder,
it just sat there peacefully, on my fragile shoulder,
reducing my pace, restricting my movements and life.
I thought of removing the boulder off my tired shoulder,
just for a little rest, a tiny break, it doesn’t work,
the boulder is actually mounted onto my shoulder.
For life, I shall carry it, bringing it everywhere I go,
enduring the hardships, fulfilling my responsibilities,
and not creating a boulder of regrets.
I may weep in the dark, craving for understanding,
for some emotional release, to feel better about the boulder,
not myself, all about you, just you.
I wish I can see the things differently, from your perspectives,
but I am afraid, I am scared.. that the boulder will crumble,
before I get too tired and my shoulders gave way.
I want to let go, yet some voice from my heart told me,
‘Don’t you dare’, I stumbled on the words, thinking much,
questioning much, the mental torture I endured..
I still carry that boulder willingly, protecting it from,
everything, while it provides a little shelter from rain,
some warmth from the wind and companionship in my journey.