Walking through my journey

It has always been raining day and night,
with the rain droplets mercilessly hitting my face,
with the chilling, howling wind biting my flesh.
Feeling cold and empty, a sense of loneliness,
filling up my heart and soul, leaving me confused,
doubting and questioning.

Screaming into the darkness, ‘Why me?”,
nothing audible came from my throat, yet I choked,
grasping for some air for relief.
I did not resign to fate, nor did I not want to change
my life, my destiny, I just feel empty,
I want to run.. run away from all these.

Taking my first step, I was crashed by a boulder,
a boulder of responsibilities and obligations, a huge one,
one that I cannot walk away without.
No movement, no words, no actions from the boulder,
it just sat there peacefully, on my fragile shoulder,
reducing my pace, restricting my movements and life.

I thought of removing the boulder off my tired shoulder,
just for a little rest, a tiny break, it doesn’t work,
the boulder is actually mounted onto my shoulder.
For life, I shall carry it, bringing it everywhere I go,
enduring the hardships, fulfilling my responsibilities,
and not creating a boulder of regrets.

I may weep in the dark, craving for understanding,
for some emotional release, to feel better about the boulder,
not myself, all about you, just you.
I wish I can see the things differently, from your perspectives,
but I am afraid, I am scared.. that the boulder will crumble,
before I get too tired and my shoulders gave way.

I want to let go, yet some voice from my heart told me,
‘Don’t you dare’, I stumbled on the words, thinking much,
questioning much, the mental torture I endured..
I still carry that boulder willingly, protecting it from,
everything, while it provides a little shelter from rain,
some warmth from the wind and companionship in my journey.

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