I realised that..
It has been a long time since I last felt so appreciative towards another person’s actions and thoughts. Despite my mind’s constant reminder that I have a low social need, I do find myself having a high social need each day, especially after these few days.
I want to say that..
It was the people around me who helped me kept my sanity, so that I can pull through. I know I am perfectly fine being along, attending lectures and tutorials, doing statistics revisions, writing term papers. I will not be the one initiating a meet-up, in any case. BUT I am always glad if someone initiates a meet-up.
I feel that..
I have deceived myself into believing that I am an independent learner and that I learn best alone, within my comfort zone.
This week has been a chaotic and overwhelming week, filled with deadlines, test, meetings, stress and anxiety. Nothing is quite pleasant through the week, except for the people.
I always put up a false and strong front, giving assurance to other people, in a way, to myself. I do not wish for anyone to know about my insecurities, my fears, my weaknesses and my past, for I am afraid of their judgements. Interestingly, in front of these people, I let down my false front, and expose my true self, unknowingly. I felt safe and free from judgements with them. We have not known each other for long, only through random project grouping since the start of the semester. We merely see each other once a week, and somehow, I felt an invisible bond between us.
When it was so obvious that some came prepared for the study session and some didn’t. I am definitely the latter.
You have completed your revision, knowing possible everything you could have known from the syllabus, yet ever so willing to teach and answer all the questions and doubts.
You are not very sure of your own answers, yet tries your very best to explain and clear all the doubts patiently.
You may not be as prepared as the rest, possibly as lost as I am, yet willing to take baby steps with me through the revision, sharing the frustration from the complexity of statistics, laughing at our own ignorances and mistakes, reasoning the illogicality of logic and really encouraging each other, till late at night in campus.
I appreciate the helps that are rendered to me, given my lack of revision and understanding. I know how frustrating and confusing my questions can be.
I appreciate the replies that are given to me, despite the time of the day, even at 1am on the day of the test.
I appreciate the questions that make me so confused for they made me question more, and in turn, understand more.
I appreciate the accompanies that make me feel like a social being, not alone. I could not imagine bearing all the frustrations and doubts alone.
I appreciate the rantings that make us feel similar, bringing us even closer together.
I appreciate everything that you people have made my week a more tolerable one.