Revisiting the days

In a few days time, it would have been three years,
three years since everything has finally ended.

Looking into the mirror, I see a lost soul,
constructing a defensive wall all around,
higher and higher, day by day.
There are no doors, no windows.

The lonely soul, hides within the boundaries,
deep beneath the reality, running away from
everything and anything. From everyone, and
most importantly, from the monsters
and herself.

Dark, evil monsters, roaming around,
feeding on the humanity,
biting into the confidence,
draining the soul.

Monstrous voices, threatening laughter,
howling sarcasms, evil stares,
slamming against the walls everyday,
The fallen, the outcast, the target..
Outnumbered and powerless.
The lonely soul pretended to be immured,
yet trembling in fear within.. silently.

Wasting her time and energy into work,
coming early, knocking off late everyday.
Because those are the little peaceful moments left,
where there are no prejudice or discrimination.
No words thrown across the room, no disgusting actions,
just herself, and some, whom she can call humans.

Fulfilling her task, putting up with everything,
swallowing and burying everything deeper and deeper..
Soon, she went into hiding everyday,: avoidance at the very best.

Even accusations came from other authority,
when she was mere helping out.
But it was music to the ears, as compared to
That monstrous voice.

Pretending to be immured, to be deaf, and blind
Hiding behind her walls, behind the humans’ backs,
Running away, avoiding every trap,
Blissful days came, knocking softly on the walls,
The devil was gone, and monsters were left without lead,
The soul felt at peace, without the threats.

It is time to move on, the mind said.
I can never forgot everything, the heart said.
I think I will be fine, the soul said.
Giving time time. To heal. To forgive. To forget.

The moment of truth, she avoided,
Frankly, she could not care anymore
Obviously happier, with social support.
Borrowing courage, curiosity, she went forward

What do you think you deserved?
Naively the mouth said a C.

The mind slapped the mouth
The heart reminded the mouth
The soul stared emptily.
A C, for the lack of courage, to confront
A C, for the avoiding and pretending to be fine
A C, for the suppression of emotions
NEVER for the monsters.

Pretence as professionalism,
As excuses to be fine, to be alright.
What a stupid, foolish way to say,
What was the mind thinking?!

The nightmare still haunts, still hurts, still tortures
During the peaceful days, encounters were rare,
But painful. Very painful.

One day, looking into the devilish eyes,
the mouth said, Get out of my sight!
The only effort made to end everything for once.

I let out a laugh, seeing the A in the transcript,
Not because I was a winner, or emerged victorious.
Just being amused.

Humanity, oh humanity..
I’ve see the worst so far,
Along with the best,
that shields me from the worst,
I have survived through,
Despite the injuries psychologically.

Stop claiming that it was a training for the future.
Stop believing in confrontations.
Stop letting things progress on its own.

Start observing
Start understanding
Start saving the lost souls out from hell.

It was horrifying. It was torturing.
At some point, suicidal.
There are no victors, only forgetful monsters,
and a broken soul. I am not a victim,
I am just a survivor.


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