Sometimes, I think it is rather irresponsible of me to speak my mind. I often feel that it is worthless for anyone to know those words. Yet, I just want to scream to the world, not to be known, to show the world that I am still alive. I have no idea if those words really meant anything to anyone, or are they even capable of anything. For all I know, they are just random words stringed together to form something I assume as my thoughts. To others, the function of these words is questionable. Maybe it is just words, merely words. Or worst, these words bring them to a different level, multi-levels into the ground, where the visibility is low. I often find myself in these deep, dark thoughts, dreaming of world destruction, of a zombie apocalypse, or even just death. Or the very naive thought of the time stopping, be it a time destruction or a time warp. It is all about me. These are just the different forms of escape and avoidance from anything and everything, especially this cruel thing called reality. Sometimes, more often than not, I blurted out words like, I am better off dead, or even I am not sure I want to be drowning or drowned. I wouldn’t say these are suicidal thoughts, rather just my wilful imagination. I am in no control of how people react, though it just seems to be my fault when someone’s emotions got affected by those words. I know how dark I can go, and these aren’t even from deep within, they merely scratched the surface. Of course, I do not feel bad either, not to the extent. I just feel responsible for that. Yet who am I to claim the responsibilities? The self-centred me wouldn’t. I am probably just overthinking again, in an attempt to buy time, to escape the reality. As usual.


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