Many times, I doubt my existence
The necessity and the meaning
I longed for an explanation
to uncover the truth
Many times, I wish I never exist
Free from burden and worries
The overbearing reality
to just nothing at all
Many times, I wish everything ends
The world continues spinning
Nothing is affected at all
Just a cease of my existence
A wishful thinking deep within
But as truthfully as it can be
Without meanings or longings
When I read something about burden
My burdened heart ache
When I read something about hope
My hopeless soul wept
When I read something about silence
My silent voice whimpered
The mind cannot decide
Who needed help more
Because it knows we will not
screaming for help or struggle
We will make it through
the storm and darkness
Burdened and hopeless
We will bear it all silently
Sink deeper and deeper
We will allow ourselves to
Until the day of liberty
Freeing the heart, mind and soul
As I sink deeper and deeper
It get more comfortable
Or maybe I am getting used to it
I feel at ease, really
It may seems a little dark here but
The soul can calm down and settle in
The mind can go free
The heart can slow down
Away from the reality and people
I am not hiding myself
I merely allow myself to sink
because I do not care anymore
It has been weeks
But I can still remember
The little gesture that
Most didn’t notice
You did it anyway
In recognition of my existence
It was not expected of you
But you did
I thank you for that
As this means more than
A ‘Good Job’ or whatnot
Because I felt the sincerity
I have been leaving earlier recently.
Before 7.30pm because..
I cannot justify to myself otherwise.
Time has been passing by slowly.
So dreadfully because..
I am getting too tired of everything.
Let me be swallowed by an aching emptiness.
Let me be.
Telling me that I did a good job
It means nothing to me
I will not react positively at all
Certainly makes you feel better
But the words aren’t real or genuine
All lies, blatant lies
I don’t think I am coping.
I don’t think I am adjusting.
I don’t know what I am doing.
I don’t know why I am doing.
I feel incompetent.
I feel helpless.
I am getting on my own nerves.
Because that’s the only mastery I have.
