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Strangely, there was a sense of liberation.
As though, nothing matters anymore.
There was no pressure or responsibility.
The mind fell in love with the feeling.

Until.. the body is back.

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“Are you happier now?”

Am I supposed to be happier?
Is happiness the ultimate goal?
Can I just not feel anything?

I am not happy, neither am I unhappy.
I am just.. me.

What if the mind is acting again?
So that there is true happiness for me.

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I might have known too much.
Just by sheer accident.
Not like anyone is going to know,
But there’s a looming uncertainty.

No one should know after today,
No one will. By right.
Until the day that I decided to say
And the chances aren’t high at all

All the discoveries were quite shocking,
Yet all within the calculative imagination.
Truths that were repackaged
And disguised to be retold again and again.

One thing for sure,
The picture is clearer now.
There’s still some missing pieces to the jigsaw,
But it’s enough as far as I am concerned.

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I signed off with a wishing,
I always try. To soften the tone.
To show some understanding.
On top of the coldness of technology,
and the urgency of responses.

They are mostly sincere wishes,
for a great week, or a great weekend.
I just realised the irony behind it.
I sent the emails after working hours,
worst still, on Friday night.

Maybe it is my silent wishes.
Or the words from deep within in,
the desires and the cravings.
I tell others, I don’t need the great.
I am barely suriving, let along living.

Have a great weekend ahead.

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I am feeling more entitled,
much more than before.
Entitled to rest and breaks,
to be in a foul mood,
and not care a bit.

I am feeling more detached,
much more than before.
Detached from this world,
from the people around,
and even myself.

I am getting more confused,
much more than before.
Confused by the situtations,
by the sudden realisations,
and by myself.

The journey gets dark and lonely.
Each step forward takes far more energy,
much more than before.
I rather be standing still,
in hope to feel more free.
It was then, I found myself..
shackled to the reality.

The reality that is making me lose myself,
the reality that is there to stay.