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Can I close my eyes
And never open them again
Can I shut down the brain
And never start then again

Can I disappear right now
And never appear again
Can I run away right now
And never be found again

Can I walk out of it
And never look back again
Can I be myself
And only myself again⁠⁠⁠⁠

The only one smiling

People are dead tired
Falling asleep on this bus

Hello girl, the only one smiling
Enjoy yourself growing up
Smile and laugh all you want
Play like there’s no tomorrow

Hello girl, the only one smiling
When you grow up
The world may not be the same
The reality will be grim

Hello girl, the only one smiling
Fear not
Because you are still small
Smile all you want

May you stay the same
And not let anything wipe off that smile
Spread that happiness
Like you did tonight on this bus

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Maybe this is why humans are stubborn
Or persistent, in other words
We relive the memories
Again and again
Be it good or horrifying
All at our very own will

The story may stay the same
But each retelling is different
Evoking different feelings and thoughts
Gradually and surely
We have all grown
All the different perspectives

Perhaps it won’t be long till
We get sick and tired of all these
And we refused to relive any more
Never ever again
Reminding ourselves of sufferings
All the friendships and bonds

It’s all good. It’s all well.
Until it’s too much to make the effort.
To get together despite all,
Just to know that everyone is all good.
May the future shine as bright.

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Within or without
I don’t know anymore
It’s so massive
So overwhelming

So much so that
I rather let it be
Changes are too scary
So tiring to accept them

Breathe in and out
And I shall move on
Until I find the courage
To change anything

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I am feeling it
Walking this journey
On and on
Pulling myself along

I am feeling it
Surviving through
Day by day
Keeping myself conscious

I am feeling it
Dying a little every day
Losing myself
Driving myself to insanity

Maybe
I am not feeling it
For I am desensitised
To feel anything now

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I am in denial.
Avoiding the truth.
Hiding from reality.

I think you are drowning,
You said.

What if I have already drowned?
I answered.

You said to stop helping.
But it was my only mastery.
To know that I am still alive.

You said to delegate down.
But who can I delegate to.
Without having me to do more work?

You asked for a solution.
But there isn’t one.
Except for you to find someone else.

I finally admitted today.
I can do anything,
but not everything.

And guess what?
I am not stressed.
I am just dead on the inside.